Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize