i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
