You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
