I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
