He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
