i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
