I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
