I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
