im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
