i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
