dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
