guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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