I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
