Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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