eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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