I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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