At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
