The brown eye won't let me do that either.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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