There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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