four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
