why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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