After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When are your genitals available?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
