And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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