Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
