every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize