My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize