Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
