My liver just broke up with me...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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