Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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