please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
