I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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