guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
