i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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