She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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