I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
