Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
