Your tits are I can't wait for
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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