I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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