I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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