just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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