I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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