did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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