you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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