make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
