Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize