so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
