ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just high enough for therapy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
