so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
