IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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