did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
