Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
