My friends, they love my intelligence
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
did you just send me my own nude
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
