I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
