Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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