Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
