I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I party with great urgency now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
