Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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