I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
