My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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